my sisters under your porch take her home
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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