he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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