I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I could make wine with my vomit
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
