she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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