so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
