That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize