oh god the rape fog is back!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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