i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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