i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
