Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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