I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
