Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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