he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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