Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
