I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ugly people sure do ruin things
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
