Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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