yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
