Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
