No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize