His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
