There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
