at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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