i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
