Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
