I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
