My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
