My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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