Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
