he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
