My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
