She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
