If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
