you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
