How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
