you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
