We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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