Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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