i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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