His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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