I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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