I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
