okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
