I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
