so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
