I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
