Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my liver is dry heaving
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
