Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
