it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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