Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
