I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
