If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
