Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
