I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
