The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize