I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
