So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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