And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
