I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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