Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
