it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
