Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
