if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
