I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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