Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
